


The Pigeon's Revenge

by PepperSoniRoni



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Chaos, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Gen, Humor, Pigeons
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-05
Updated: 2020-11-05
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:41:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27406738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PepperSoniRoni/pseuds/PepperSoniRoni
Summary: Stephanie and Harper take out their rage on Pigeons. It doesn't quite go as planned.Pure Crack. I don't know how this happened.
Relationships: Stephanie Brown & Harper Row
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	The Pigeon's Revenge

**Author's Note:**

> Let's just pretend these two go to high school together, take the same classes, and came up with this idea, shall we?
> 
> This was meant as a creative writing assignment for my Lit class, but I wrote it with these two in mind. Swapped out names, called the city Gotham, and BOOM! Instant crack!
> 
> It is seriously illegal to scare Pigeons in Massachusetts, US. Look it up. I copied and pasted the actual law.

“So what do you think?” Stephanie asked, looking over at Harper. She was a little out of breath after the furious presentation she just gave, complete with spreadsheets and graphs that were  _ totally _ necessary.

Harper blinked several times before a grin sprouted on her face, slowly spreading. “Oh,” she said, “this’ll be  _ fun _ !”

*****

The plan was simple: Scare a Pigeon. 

Why, you might ask? Well, our Duet of Questionable Ideas were currently studying Acts of Civil Disobedience in school. It was only a logical next step to get some hands-on knowledge. Therefore, research was initiated. It was Stephanie who found out it was illegal to scare pigeons in Gotham. And of course, them being highschoolers who hated anything that inconvenienced them, the act brought on an onslaught of malicious glee.

And so, the two found themselves standing in Robinson Park preparing to run into the flock of a hundred or so birds that were blocking civilian foot traffic.

“Hear ye, hear ye,” Harper said, holding an impressive looking parchment, “listen to the bold proclamation which shall alter history as we know it. Under Gotham Law, General Laws, Part IV, Title I, Chapter 266, Section 132, it states this:

“ Whoever wilfully kills pigeons upon, or frightens them from, beds which have been made for the purpose of taking them in nets, by any method, within one hundred rods of the same, except on land lawfully occupied by himself, shall be punished by imprisonment for not more than one month or by a fine of not more than twenty dollars, and shall also be liable for the actual damages to the owner or occupant of such beds.

“And so we - Stephanie Brown and Harper Row - being normally law-abiding citizens, are here to protest the existence of such detestable birds, and the country’s toleration of their habitation of otherwise wonderful cities, and to take part in an act of Civil Disobedience.”

Stephanie grinned and clapped forcefully before taking the scroll from Harper’s hands.

“Ready, oh partner of mine?”

Harper smirked. “Ready to scare some bird-brains outta their feathers!”

They shoulder bumped each other before bending down like sprinters and shooting off into the sea of gray.

“GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!” the duo yelled in unison, and the birds took to the air in one large wave.

It was a truly majestic sight. 

*****

Two hours later the pair were eating in a café on the outside patio. The wind blew in a light breeze and the sun shone lightly over them. It was quite peaceful.

“Think we achieved our goal?” Harper asked Stephanie.

Stephanie tilted her head, pondering for a moment. “Well, there weren’t any pigeons in that section of the park for a whole seven minutes after our gallant effort, so … yes?”

Harper laughed. “I’ll drink to that!” The pair raised their iced tea glasses and a soft ‘clink’ came before they took their sips.

Alas, the easy-going afternoon was not fate. For it was that exact moment that one of the dastardly birds - a pigeon gray in color, with an all-together much too intelligent eye - flew over and deposited …  _ presents _ atop each of our civil heroine's heads.

“EW!” Harper cried, jumping up and grabbing her napkin in an attempt to blot out the white streak.

Stephanie however, was still as a rock. She looked over to Harper, her eyes wide, and whispered one sentence.

“The Pigeon’s Revenge.” 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry.
> 
> Check out my Tumblr: https://peppersonironi.tumblr.com


End file.
